School Life: Topper, 2

Dear Diary,

Why do I feel like everybody hates me? Like, literally everybody. Sure, a few people talk to me and smile, I could call them my "friends" but I doubt if they actually like me for who I am. I pretend not to care, but it bothers me, I can't help my "people-pleaser" heart. I've been told that I don't need friends...but...I kinda want some...or maybe even just one. I know I'm not the most interesting person or anything but...I think I can work on it. I don't wanna go and bother others and get hurt if they ignore me....nobody really approaches me either...so maybe they feel the same but I won't turn them down. The reason why people hate me still stumps me a bit, okay maybe not hate...maybe dislike would be a better word? They all look at me...weirdly. I don't think I'm rude...I'm polite atleast, do they think I'm trying to be a goodie-two-shoes or something? I guess you could say I'm "smart", some people say that, I feel flattered but I don't think that's the case. Smart people know how to manage everything, they have friends, are kind and also good at sports and academics. One example of such a person is Neveah, not to mention, she's super pretty. I love her curls and her fashion sense. I'm pretty shabby and boring as compared to her. She always gets a place on the podium and her parents are always look so proud of her, no matter which place she gets. She has a sister too, her sister looks like she adores her. They don't have a particular expectation for her but I think she always meets it. If I don't meet expectations, I'll be nothing. Being a single child is not as fun as it seems too. She's just too...perfect, I've congratulated her before. She's the only one who's been more forward to me and...kind, I really like her but other times, I think she avoids me when we happen to be near each other. Maybe it's just a feeling. 

Expectations are pressurizing to meet...but I have hope, that this hard work will help me reach somewhere. Then, I can relax and focus on other things. I won't be alone anymore, I think.

I can do it...with God's help.

Sincerely,

Serenity